Intentionality and Authenticity.

let yourself breathe.

Is it deceitful to create art with intent – to plan and to polish? If it's not a raw release of pain or joy – the authentic self bursting or seeping through to scream or smile – then is all else fake? A phoney authentic self.

I am a writer; therefore, I must write, but when it's a song or a poem, questions of honesty can torment. I want to experience a truth of mine – how can it be truth if it's altered, augmented, curated and thought through? Shouldn't it just be felt through a soul unintentionally? Let it bleed out where the unhealed wounds haven't scarred over – but to cut to find a truth or to create an echo of a truth without inflicting a wound – is this not deceit? Having been hidden from myself for years, at the start of the revealing process, I could not tolerate any interference from others or myself.

I did not write songs – I let them bleed through me. I did not sing – my soul cried out through song. But then, if I did not consciously partake in the creation – a vessel – then can I rightly say I deserve them? Yes, even as I write this, I know the answer is yes. My soul sang out; it defied the cement poured over my soul. Wildflowers grew from my grave and cracked open the soil I'd been buried under. The soil and my skin, one. Protected despite the suffocation. I can now breathe. This reclamation journey is over. Intentional creativity is the ultimate means of authentic expression. This time I'll sing.

Rose 28/3/25

The critical reflection that follows was an assignment for a poetry workshop at Birkbeck, 2021. The previous paragraph was born from this and the ongoing battle I previously had between authenticity and intentionality as I peeled off, smashed through, dissolved and washed off the lies.

Poetry Workshop – Critical Reflection.

I believed that rigorous critical analysis of poetry could contort the truth of self-expression and cause poets to write competitively in an attempt to use language to impress, which I feel is opposed to and does an injustice to poetry, both as a craft and as an outlet for the soul. However, after taking this workshop, I have gradually learnt to adjust my attitude and have learnt to see that this critical analysis can create clarity and insight into truths at heart. Through this self-reflection and honest evaluation, I have learnt to appreciate the craft involved in working from established poetic structures to craft language in more thoughtful ways. This has been a gradual revelation made through the writing of my critical reflection.

I have always preferred to see what was captured in a moment, to witness the emotional honesty rather than to edit a poem to 'perfection' and thereby redefine that moment's truth. But perhaps the whole truth is not to be found in the original. Perhaps the original was merely a draft, a brief insight into what could be rather than what must be. I believed that poems should be read and reflected on as memories of a past self and that if we edited them, then our past selves would be lost.

This in itself is a huge area of critique that I can see about myself; the quest to protect artistry and self-expression can leave no room for the exploration of artistry. Now, I’d feel no shame in exploring replacing words with alternatives to improve the phrasing and draw out the language until the truth is refined without being redefined and the words have been given proper room to play. I do love to play with the visual aspect of poetry, and even if the original words remain unchanged, I will question my use of line breaks and try to 'depart from the syntactic form' that I feel naturally occurs to further question the stylistic possibilities.

As someone who often writes in nature and who feels greatly inspired by nature, week 15 has taught me to question my use of language when translating nature so as not to engage with nature just inspirationally but to critically reflect on whether I am doing justice to this concept of 'ecopoetics'. I feel that there is much room for personal growth.

Additionally, for me, poetry had a clear visual form, despite its choice of arrangement; the very use of line breaks and the typography were what set poetry apart from words written poetically. In week 20, we read Anoint Thyself by CA Conrad. Introduced to their prose, I started to question the broader concept of what is considered poetry. Compared to the other poems written with more traditional forms and simple language that I found to be neither profound nor beautiful, their prose for me was more poetic, and yet I would not have officially considered it poetry.

This provoked me to question how I viewed poetry. Does poetry have to be poetic, and what does it really mean, anyway? Must poetry display evidence of a predisposition to sensitivity to beautiful words and their proposed meanings? This workshop has shown how limited my view of poetry has been, and I shall continue to explore the broader concepts of the craft. For instance, I enjoyed the use of colloquial language contrasted with the formal and strict structure of the villanelle and will try to write more often by conforming to the structures set.

I felt uncomfortable with the idea of auditing creative self-expression and interfering with the organic and authentic way each soul expresses itself. However, I have come to appreciate the importance of self-appraisal and the critical questioning of what is produced to engage more artistically with the process of 'producing' poetry. Not necessarily to improve the final result, to still let the language remain instinctive and free, but to ensure I do not shy away from honest self-evaluation.

It is through the understanding that poetry is not only a private art but it is an art that is to be shared and, therefore, will elicit a response from those engaging with it. So, how to interfere in the process without impeding the natural flow? How to critique oneself without being overly critical so that each word is censored, reprimanded, and ultimately kept hidden out of the continual need to improve? After having written this critical reflection, I shall continue to evaluate and stay open to allowing a balance between critical editing and the natural evolution of the poem's creative process.

This critical reflection was part of a university assignment. Module—Poetry Workshop. Spring, 2021.

References

Levertov, Denise. “On the Function of the Line.” Chicago Review, vol. 30, no. 3, 1979, pp. 30–36, https://doi.org/10.2307/25303862. Accessed 15 Apr. 2022

Skinner, Jonathan. ‘’What is ecopetics?’ from http://jacket2.org/commentary/jonathan-skinner

Conrad, C., 2012. BEAUTIFUL MARSUPIAL AFTERNOON: NEW (SOMA)TICS. AMHERST: WAVE BOOKS